I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
His mom walked into the kitchen smiling, made a scotch on the rocks, hit my bong, and told us goodnight enthusiastically. He's suddenly more appealing to me.
Man, I thought my dick was gonna fall off.
Dude, I didn't even think they made slap bracelets anymore. You okay?
Just shook hands with the bud light truck driver, thanked him for his service to our country
As girls, Bert & Ernie are not very bangable costumes. At least not by who we'd want to get banged by.
I was kidding. But I promise you I'd still find us the most eligible bangables, even if we dressed up like a dumpster and a prom night baby.
i think i have weasels eating my brain. Also there is a skeleton staring at me from the back of the bathroom door. it's an awkward vomit. come find me please
I feel like a blind man at a water park. Every step has the potential to be either fatal or lead to accidental, but totally enjoyable, sex.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
My life is over. I farted in open court. Noticeably. The judge looked at me. It echoed.
How drunk are you?
Completed.
I choose my mates solely based on size and ability. No cuddles. No sleep overs. Definitely no repeats.
so how about you dont randomly call my mother during parties?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
Shame is for Republicans.
Randomize
