sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
dude this 15 year old girl saw our youtube vid and just facebook messaged me saying i was verry verry pretty. i have no schemas for how to respond to this situation.
woah 15?
i know! what is this dateline?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
I wish my period boobs were my regular boobs.
on a brighter note, the strip club found my atm card
I'm going to pre plan my black out tonight. I think I'll set a change of clothes out on my bed and unplug the oven.
I have to fuck proof my bed. It was in the middle of the room this time.
I woke up to find his roommate face down on the couch with no pants on, with a sticky note that said "was lost but now am found"
I do remember telling her that I was about to pass out soon and then hiding my pants under my bed so she couldn't take my wallet even drunk I'm thinking ahead
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
Bitch guess who just got a fucking taser
It's like the first time your mom catches you masturbating. We both know what she saw. We're just not talking about it...
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
I'm so hungover I just peed on my hand and left it, didn't wash... Killin it in 2915
I just ordered cookies for delivery. My life is falling apart.
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