dude, im still at the bar with two chics... one has a moustache ill save that one for you... be home in 20min..
so i just calculated it and i would need to score 150% on this final to pass
So I've been to the library twice so far. Both times were for the atm, and once I was stoned. Junior year is going great.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Turns out my drunken logic and wordsmithing isn't quite the same as the sober version. I'm pretty sure I made fun of the managers mom at one point
He was like a foghorn with a huge penis.
I just saw that blonde chick you wanna bang rolling down the hall wearing a Thor mask..
Wow. We're meant to be..
shes taking the breakup well, i walked in on her naked passed out wearing a turban with a bag of peanut butter choc chips in hand at 5 in the afternoon.
I woke him up with a blow job and he started sing "oh the USAAAA. IT'S GOING TO BE S BEAUTIFUL DAYYYYY"
I sang him a lovely rendition of 'So Long and Thanks For All the Fish", but replaced fish with dick.
Finally had sex in the new kitchen. Burnt the hamburgers and hit myself in the face with the freezer door. Worth it.
To be honest, waking up to 20 naked people in my house was not the weirdest thing to happen to me in the past 24 hours
Also, being stuck with my family all week has made it very clear that I need to be drunk and I need to be fucked pronto
I need thought I would ever have to use the phrase "Don't fart on that Calzone".. Thanks for that
We need a kiddie pool and lots of cornstarch
Randomize
