So tired and we had a cokehead in the salon today making us bleach her whole head because she thought it would let her pass her drug test for custody of her kid
Oh.My.God.
Pretty sure I only gave out my other # though. You know, 777 777-7777
Hahaha. So was it a Freudian slip, or wishful thinking? ;)
Could be either seeing as you're in my phone as "3rd bar" and I couldn't pick you outta a line up.
Apparently when you order 'bottomless fries' at red robin that doesnt mean you can go around to every table and eat all the fries you want off other peoples plates.
Hey when I die alone will you come by often enough so that my cats don’t eat my face?
Can I have the boy from 16 and pregnant's next baby???
so then they started chanting "LET'S GET A LITTLE BIT SCHWASTED. S-H-W-...WASTED!" theres nothing like partying with former high school cheerleaders
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
Wait wait wait. I remember riding in her car to the next bar. On your lap. With my head on the dashboard. That probably should have been my cut off point.
im standing in line right now while the 711 manager calls other locations to see if they have the john cena collectors slurpee cup in stock...yep i need to get laid
She just face-timed her mom and had her watch all of us toast to her grandmas tits..
I think I’ve reached sophomore-year-level of bad ideas
and you know that’s the highest possible level because it’s when I met you
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
Whoever said it shouldn't take a man to make you happy clearly wasn't having sex everyday.
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
