So, I'm pretty sure I just jacked off and my gf 17 m/o son caught me. IDK how long he was standing in the crib, but he definately saw the grand finale.
My husband just tried to seduce me by saying we can do it doggystyle so you can watch tv
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I almost didn't recognize her with a shirt on.
I would go down on you faster than GM stock
so thats when we found her crawling hands and knees up first street singing hold me closer tony danza as loud as she could
did she say where she was going
apparently she thought she was on morton hill and was trying to go back to the bars
Completly hung over at midnight, I knew there was a downside to drinking at 2pm
I told him I'd have sex with him for fried cheese. Does that make me a hooker or just fat?
the fda needs to get their shit together cause these four loko going away parties are gonna kill me
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
P.S. The slutty NASCAR driver costume will be saved and used year round for role play.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
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