I failed the drunk obstacle course of trying to find my bed... consolation prize... a sore ankle and "disappointed' parents.
is it bad that I only want to go to my boyfriends house bc I want to see his roomate walk around with his shirt off?
I went to his work to give him some blankets and ended up blowing him in the bathroom. See what happens when you don't come over?
this kid is using one arm to help his buddy with a keg stand, and the other arm to hold up the chick he's making out with.
I'm allowed to be upset. I've never had that many fingers in my ass
He's either jacking off or listening to Kanye West.
wore my lacy blue thong that says "hello there" across the front today for my gynecologist appointment. I live to make people uncomfortable
We're going to shave my junk and take pictures of it wearing fake mustaches we found at the dollar store. They're uncannily realistic; much better than the cockstaches of my youth.
I'm eating the rest of the Xmas shrooms and welcoming 2012 by communing with the pine cone.
So how much of last night are we going to pretend never happened? Enough to stay friends?
This place smells like bottom shelf liquor and broken dreams
Chicks before dicks must only mean American dicks
Swear on my life the dude next to us just ordered a pizza and I will fight to the death for a slice
There are way too many people I have fucked in this class for this not to be awkward
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
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