now I regret adding my aunt on facebook. she remnded me today on my wall about the importance of checking my stools for blood since I have diaherria.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
Wow, So this kid just walked into class, yak'd on his lab partner then runs out. Class is now cancelled. I gotta find this kid and Thank him.
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
she cried into her fur with two handfuls of money- she was the physical manifestation of white girl problems
Also I legit had a girl at my bar crying tonight saying to her friend "why did he have to take his top off ?"
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
The only thought that went through my head was "that would be an absolute disaster" so of course I said yes
So I found out me and this guy I was drinking beer with tonight both got lactated on by the same stripper. We're milk brothers.
Only you could make a stripper uncomfortable by eye fucking her too much.
It was going great until he started saying "ooh kill em" under his breath with each thrust
Willing booties have sort of a tractor beam for me.
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I just poured two shots of fireball into my Rapunzel mug I love finals.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
Randomize
