I have discovered something important. The trick to making food taste better is not always 'more hot sauce'.
needless to say, I hope she has to get an abortion again
having to delete all your hookups stored in your phone as first name followed by frat/bar after they've graduated is such a bittersweet feeling
It's been five and a half years since she and my brother stopped dating. I feel like that's a long enough grace period. Going for it.
is it bad that I didn't wash the cum out of my hair because it keeps my curls intact?
We fed your dog hot wings then gave it some Bud light to drink. You're right. Dogs are fun.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
You're gonna die alone anyway. Even if you do meet a man, they die earlier than women. Best case, you have to deal with grieving over his death and then die alone a couple years later. Worst case, you get a terminal illness and he divorces you, leaving you to die alone anyway.
Thanks, mom.
Can't promise anything, there's vodka in my thermos
Just bought a 17 year old 40's while wearing a poncho. This behavior is acceptable until I'm 25.
Would you be mad if I just used the argument "I'm allowed to say that, my best friend is a lesbian"?
Never. I'm proud to help you win arguments.
I pack a first-aid kit when I DD for you. What does that tell you about your partying? For what I see and do, paying my food and gas for the night is a goddamn BARGAIN.
I should never have to text my best friend asking if she eloped again last night.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
You kept on yelling traitor and threatened to kill him and everyone he loves because he played beerpong with someone else
Randomize
