but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
We should have parties more often. I ended up with 90 beers and someone cleaned my toilet.
I just remembered I gave $20 to a bum last nite. Philanthropy events always make me do stupid shit.
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Been at work for four hours and just discovered the chairs in my office double as a napping surface. Most productive thing I've done all day
party gras won. party gras always wins.
Hahahaaa There's this one girl crying hysterically and wrapped around (i believe) her ex's leg. He's trying to shake her off without spilling his beer. This is fucking priceless.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I told him if he wanted to lose weight he had to learn self control. Less than ten minutes after that I ate a cookie off the floor...
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Its not that it wasnt fun. Its just I got a tooth knocked out and that was my second time being arrested this year
Don't be surprised if I hand out mini dildos on Halloween
I'm sitting on the toilet eating a Chick-Fil-A breakfast sandwich. How's your Monday?
I've had sex with three people who have this birthday.
He's giving me the absolute bare minimum amount of attention. Like whatever motherfucker, I've had like six super likes on tinder today
I wish u could call a dildo. Like you do a missing cell phone.