Dude, she DOES look like she'd give good head. No bottom jaw, I checked.
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
please don't call me when you're wasted. i don't feel like having any other future arguments at 3:18am about how to hang up your phone. you have a flip phone, you should know regardless of how fucked up you are.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
19 Confessions From A Dude With A Micropenis
please hurry. your mom just evil laughed to herself in the kitchen like she's plotting my death.
I just finished washing your number off of my chest. I'm Bryan by the way.
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
Also when i was high i would close my eyes and see a puppy on a grill having pancake batter poured on it.... And for whatever reason it was fucking hilarious.
You kept running up to married couples, taking their pictures and begging for them not to get divorced
17 Exes Admit Why They Were Crazy In Their Past Relationship
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I asked you for a cigarette and you handed me your phone and told me to search for one
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
I'm so bored I talked to the Bible guys for 30 minutes.
I offered them beer last time they came here bahaha