tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
wouldve been great, if we lived in constant slow motion cause that shit lasted 30 seconds and half the time he was putting on the condom
please stop taking shits in my toilet and leaving them there.
i just met a girl who was sent to the hospital for using her phone as a vibrator and got electrocuted. 4 weeks later she got sent back for shoving a hot dog up there. welcome to the teenage american society
23 Roommates Share Secrets Their Roomie Thinks They Don’t Know
how do you tell a roommate that having sex on your bottom bunk is not appropriate even if she has a top bunk that's hard to climb to?
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
Robbie told me you spent 10 mins discussing the curl in his hair and that you said "with that curl in your hair, you'll go far"
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
There are some things you can ever unsee. And walking in on your dad jerking off is one of those things.
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Im wearing a bra. Made of paint.
Well you ended up trying to convince two Greek girls that you were Greek, but failed massively by shouting at them in Spanish, and then almost vomiting after taking way too much snuff. Maybe lay off the guinness next time?
Naw but when she was in the bathroom I threw the condom out the window and I'm pretty sure it hit some girl
I just projectile vomited into my kitchen sink. Today need to be over already.
I just felt emotion and I'm not okay with it
Bro, she said she wanteo to fuck me with my white Nike cap on so I resemble a douchebag. I think my choice of women might be coming into question