lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
there's a sign at taco bell and it says "bacon and ranch make everything better." it speaks to me.
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Drunk you is everything I aspire to be in life.
We just ended up getting drunk and doing field sobriety tests on each for practice... No one remembers who passed.
And I was chasing apple pie moonshine (provided by cops) with bud light limeys. In a golf cart, wearing a tiara.
Successfully masturbated while balancing on an exercise ball. my greatest accomplishment?
You straddled the banister and fell down the stairs, then proceeded to crawl back up them, I think you need to lay down
I woke up and found cookies in my purse. It's a 12/12/12 miracle.
I respect your roll as DD and there're am required to respect your vehicle
FIND ME A DICK TO RIDE THAT HOPEFULLY IS ATTACHED TO A CUTE PERSON AND NICE PERSONALITY
CHALLENGE ACCEPTED. Is it okay if I only get 2 out of 3?
The D is nonnegotable.
Also, I called my liver hardcore in front of vet students last night and then wound up having three of them trying to palpate it. So...not saying that again.
There is a Victoria's Secret pageant on right now with Taylor Swift singing in lingerie. I didn't know a penis could get this erect.
I think I was just hit on by Jesus Christ. This is not okay. Bad Touch. I NEED AN ADULT!
Calm the hell down, it's just stoner Bob.
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.