I just woke up to a guy kissing me goodbye and leaving for class. I don't know where I am, don't have any clothes on, my underwear are gone, and the shoes I found with my dress aren't mine. He just walked in and gave me my phone. I was on my period. Come get me I will walk to the nearest intersection and wait.
So I just opened the bag you gave me and those panties aren't mine...
oh
There is a man walking 2 goats through the city.
Bonus: only one of them was on a leash.
Don't make me out to be the bad guy. You practically MADE me cum on your food.
Guy Shares All The ‘New Discoveries’ He’s Made Since Moving In With His Girlfriend And It’s Hilariously Relatable
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I don't even want to think about the kind of person who would shit in the street before 10pm on a Sunday.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Can I just say that you're probably one of my favorite people to have sex with and then eat hummus with at 3:45am?
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
Guy Accidentally Starts A Group Chat With All The Girls He’s Talking To And Gets Absolutely Roasted
So she just had an emotional breakdown over a birthday card with a peacock on it. Yeah. She's pretty drunk, but we made it home safely.
50% drunk capacity currently
I don't care how hot she is, her cat has pissed on me twice.
and i do believe that will be the last time you send me a photograph of our mother in her underwear.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He was jealous of me and threatened by me. I'm like, just cause I could fuck your girlfriend doesn't mean I'm going to
She's not even my type. She doesn't have a penis or a drug problem
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