I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Gayer than 8 guys blowing 9 guys
wow, that really makes you stop and think.
May have finally hit rock bottom...bouncer from the strip club informed me I wore the same shirt last night
just bought miller high life, hungry man dinners, and a bottle of lube. you win life, you win.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
eating toast while peeing. You think this what kanye meant by the good life?
I realized tonight the smell of my dirty pads remind me of my grandfather.
I have now ridden the bus with a ninja, a samurai and Jesus. Who says the bus is for losers.
girls mom is dying from cancer and she msgs me for a booty call. I guess people cope with their situations differently.
at which point I apparently ran in and shouted "I made the sex with that one!"
These 25 Drunks Should’ve Gotten Cut Off A Long Time Ago
Yeah things got weird. You ate an entire bag of hotdog buns, then tried to catch a tree on fire with a candle.
last night we stole an a/c window unit from a frat. gonna be a great summer
Fuck away man. Like 3% of these new people will be back next week. This is the best week of the year to slam bitches at the gym.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
WHY THE FUCK IS MY BATH TUB FILLED WITH MUD?!
1. You were drunk 2. You wanted a mud bath\n3. We tried to talk you out of it, but you kept throwing dirt at us
No ive been in the mountains getting high and baking cookies with a 4 year old