You tied the party balloons to your nipple ring so that everyone would know you partied.
well look at the bright side
maybe you can be on an episode of "I Didn't Know I Was Pregnant"
In Denver there are more bars per capita than any other city also the healthiest city. That means lots of drunk girls and no fatties.
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
I think my mom knows im high. It could be because im slow dancing with my cat in the kitchen. The dip and kiss is what gave it away.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
You're wasting your dick. It needs to be bestowed upon the masses.
Let's not share with anyone else in the apartment of how we simultaneously peed in the kitchen sink last night.....
i just got hit by a door and im the one that said im sorry, yeah im drunk.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
I should probably just LinkedIn request everyone I've ever slept with so they stop popping up on my suggested connections list
she told me id be a great addition to their lesbian community and shes giving me sex eyes from across the room. come get me NOW
Randomize