are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I'm currently trying to figure out how I woke up naked and handcuffed to my bed. Not real worried about class right now.
We've been fucking since Friday.... This is the most committed non-committed relationship I've ever been in
you're close to getting here right? Because if you're still not here and I have to get dressed to answer the door for the pizza guy, i'm tipping him $100 on your credit card to spite you
he's totally gay but hes wondering what hes missing out on. Im going to show him.
You went from loaded cattleman, to football player, to better football player, to art major from Missouri. Your future was looking so good for a while.
Did you ever get our sex tape out of the rental car before you returned it?
Drunk me cleaned my room for me. Needless to say our relationship has improved greatly
I was trying to be a bartender for my boyfriend and his friends last night, but I was too drunk so I just kept bringing them ice cubes in my hand.
I knew it would be an interesting night when he showed up at my house on a scooter wearing a six foot american flag as a cape.
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
And before you knew it they were calling me the pussy usher or something like that
I can't say "baby i'm to high to talk to you" in Starbucks.
IN THE MIDDLE OF HOOKING UP, HE IS CALLED AWAY ON AN "EMERGENCY". FUCK THAT, MATT'S CAR IS NOT AS URGENT AS MY THIRST.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?