watching elf naked is so much better than watching it with clothes on .
She wants out first dance to be to 98 degrees i do cherish you...remember how i said we didn't need open bar....
she asked to have her picture taken with every guy we walked by.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I had 800 mg of ibuprofen 2 b vitamins and I'm pounding water like I'm trying to win a hazing
If you hook up with a kid and the next day he breaks up with his girlfriend, those can be seen as two completely unrelated incidents right?!
Congrats. You are not detrimental enough to my psyche to be discussed during this mornings therapy appointment. Please follow up next week to see if you made the cut.
Pretty sure the shower sex fucked up my hip alignment... im walking like im 104 today
I feel like our lives always have been and always will be a never ending drunken rampage full of pregnancy scares and lost brain cells
Last night you texted me "tqiirkykbg doe freedom always"... why?
It looks like a baby bear tried to chew off my nipples.
Just spilled a coffee mug full of scolding hot oatmeal on my bare dick. Hope you're having a good Friday night too.
He called yelling about whhhhhhiskey and enchiladas I heard sirens in the background last time I talked to him b
HELL YEAH TIME TO KICK THE CHILDREN
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