Wanted to apologize for chris browning you when you were on my computer.
I hate seeing commercials about babies when i'm high
Yeah, I don't like babies at all
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
I'm bringing a flask to the test on friday. If I'm gonna fail at least I can enjoy the experience
The fact that its 530pm and I'm saying to myself I should sober up since I'm at a family establishment should say enough
my hip hurts so fuckin bad. and I just found a half eaten burrito in my nightstand drawer.
He wants me to have his first child. So that makes four gay men that've called dibs on my eggs.
Strip clubs it is bday boy. One condition. I am in full custody of your ID. I plan on being in no condition to coordinate rescue operations and we need to keep casualties to a minimum. You cannot be trusted.
Alright goddamnit. Can I bring my pirate hat?
I insist.
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
i fell into a bathtub last night and broke the fall with my forehead. my forehead is bruised
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
I DEMAND FORESKIN
i woke up and couldnt remember who was in my bed and it was so dark.. i rolled over and started kissing him and feeling his face because hey... if the blind can see like that.. maybe i could too
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
