You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
what do you mean I googled how to give an awesome blow job?
she had the hairiest bush ive ever seen. it looked like a spoiled head of lettuce.
I woke up naked by my window. blinds open. smiley face drawn on my window.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She wants her shit back. Clearly she missed the cheaters-get-their-shit-ritually-burned clause.
you wanted the guy to gift wrap the condoms
I've come to accept that no matter where I step in our apartment, your underwear will be there.
Two questions: what are you doing RIGHT NOW? and do you know how to drive a golf cart?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
hes the hot one from work who thought i was dead after my party
So some sort of safe sex group just flash mobbed the bar by putting condoms over people's beers.
They left screaming as a hale of lubbed up condoms rained into their hair.
Cleaning my room at 2am, in just one corner I found six beers, half a pint of whiskey, my flask, 2 shotgun bullets, my crown and shimmer lotion.
We can get drunk and battle coyotes
It is 5:00PM and I'm just now putting on underwear.
I love her so much I can forgive her for wearing crocs
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