Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
he invited me to an all week drinking party at his house. apparently he knows the key to my heart is booze shaped.
you kept trying to make scrambled eggs with 3 hardboiled ones.
I think I'm going to try and hook up with that blond tonight.
I'm going for alcohol poisoning.
hows the party?
ists fjcssing insceredle
be there in 10
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
So when I got her home I realized being a lesbian again isn't like riding a bike...
As part of the off-hours team building exercises, I had my new coworkers figure out to push me back to the hotel from the nearby bars in a shopping cart every night for a week.
Just thought you should know, Im with josh now. Im no longer available for rent. I have a full time tenant now. Like, a year long lease at least.
you peed off the balcony at your sisters and asked someone below to catch it with a cup
The instructions say refer to specific course material, but I'm in no mood to reopen this awful book that caused me so many lost hours of drinking.
Yeah FUCK THAT NOISE
I'm drinking with a guy who is a bigger asshole than me. We started a contest.
I found them. Thank God. Now I'm gonna have to take a Xanax for the panic attack I almost had trying to find my Xanax.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
I told him to not try to hang out with me ever again and now I regret it Bc im bleeding through my uterus and just want him to suck on my aching nipples
Randomize
