just once id like to meet someone on craigslist who isnt fat
since i spend so many of my nights sleeping on the bathroom floor i think im going to remove all toiletries from under my sink and replace them with a pillow and blanket.
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
These 23 People Walked In On Someone And Saw Some Crazy Sh*t
a kid who worked there came up to me and let me know you were sitting in the bathroom sink. he said it was fine, so i just kept checking on you.
Okay wait let me power puke and then we can go dancing
I'm amazed your boyfriend is still with you, how do you manage to pee on him while he is holding you in his lap?
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I can't take any time off so I'll be here drinking mimosas til I puke at home with my kitty
Confessions From 23 People Who Have Been Hiding Terrible Secrets
She sent pictures and the names of her 2 cats and her dog and told me that I should be happy to have met the whole family.
You must be good in bed dude
before the moonshine you were already braiding the bouncers beard -_-
Worst drunk idea ever... Me "Cops are looking for two guys, one in a grey shirt one in a blue shirt" jelly "lets take out shirts off they'll never find us" of course I thought it was brilliant
If a marine in My bed is not considered a valid excuse for missing class then I don't want to live in America anymore
How do you clean human pee out of a carpet
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one