Life is so much better when you know you're gonna get laid soon.
Heating the house with the oven may not be safe but at least it's always preheated
at the last minute we also decided to throw an egg in the beer bong. and he drank it, shell and all.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
no one is here. wer drinking in the beer garden in the dark and we stole a bucket of blue paint off the sidewalk. now her legs are blue.
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
We bonded over the fact that we each, separately, got arrested on the same weekend.
I don't save the phone numbers of guys I don't like. That way it's a surprise when a random number texts me and tells me I have great tits.
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
Don't talk to me about scholarly dedication until you've taken a final in boxers, a bloody tank top and a zip tie to hold your hair back. I wear the most sullied 4.0 crown of all time....
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
I woke up snuggling a bottle of water while Hercules played on Netflix. Whiskey Wednesdays
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes