I woke up at 5am and he was watching me sleep... Come get meee!!??
yeah, but that could mean anything in Denmark.
dude i need to stop getting high. i cant afford to eat like this...
I am growing concerned with the number of people here in cowboy hats
It was like an alcohol war zone and you left a soldier behind.
Nope, sorry. Already took my bra off. All down hill from here. My next act will be crying, singing, and eating girl scout cookies in the shower. You can come watch the shit show though.
I can feel my liver begging me to stop.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
STOP WHATEVER YOU ARE DOING AND GO OUTSIDE RIGHT NOW. THE MOON LOOKS LIKE CATWOMAN
Dude I sat in the corner of the party bobbing my head and singing danger zone
The attempted closet masturbation was unforgivable.
That was the most fucked up I've ever seen him. He had the fucking Canola Oil!
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
He balanced a treat on his nose, and then he rolled me a joint. My bf is the best pet ever.
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.