I think that i just found proof that harry and ginny had sex
its like think what a normal person would think but completely the opposite.
I was so high I couldn't tell if they were goosebumps or herpes.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
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Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
When black out puking doesn't involve crying and promises to never get drunk again... to just a subtle, 'excuse me while I go vomit in the bathroom of this bar'.. you know you've finally grown up.
Seriously. My exes act like they own shares of my vagina.
Well, in their defense, they have invested a lot of time and money
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
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I just remember dedicating a shot to me giving you head so it was obviously a good night
So last night I turned down multiple drinks because "I didn't want to hold them". It's time reevaluate my decisions
I just moonwalked my socks off. THAT LAZY. THAT HIGH.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
So TMI but just realizing I have not masturbated since trump took office. He's sucked the sex drive out of me.
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.