You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
i just got arrested. apparently dont move means dont move.
omg a stripper jus od'd on stage.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
Outta milk. Using rum instead for pancake mix. Drunk Thursday is a gooo
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
College freshman give noticeably better blowjobs by the 5th week of the semester.
your love of good penises attached to ugly faces is disgusting and slightly disturbing.
I still can't get over the fact that he thinks I have my life together... That has to be one of the nicest yet most sadly misled things anyone has ever said about me
How could she say that about my foreskin when she hasn't even seen all the cool stuff I can do with it?
I don't know how that blunt survived being in your pocket all night but you pulled it out at 4 am in 7/11 and tried to fire it up. Zero fucks given
I think we can say happy hour is successful when you have frosting and southern comfort in your hair.
I tried to think of the best possible thing I could do for my 30th birthday, and the finalist is "get a clit ring"
I was really surprised he asked for my number the next morning..... and my name.
She's throwing a party for a guy that just got out of rehab?
Randomize
