She got kicked off the plane and spent the last four hours in a holding cell with the feds.
but she's really nice
shes about as inviting as chlamydia
Where are I am going home with Ryan
I don't know who this or Ryan is but it is probably too late to talk you out of it
I hooked up with a Michael Jackson impersonator last night. Too soon?
dude...I wrote 15 jersey shore quotes on her body. she is going to do the walk of shame with snookie on her forehead.
Leave it to him to get us kicked out of a bar for hitting on an 80 year old woman. I want to be that wasted one day.
that's why you don't digest questionable powders from girls wearing tutus at a dirty club
This girl just swallowed a pealed banana whole. I'm not worthy.
oh dear god, that would be like watching to female walruses mate. We need to stop going to that lesbian bar...
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
Sounds like it could have been the night you pulled out your love stump at the strip club.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
His life is a porno. He snapped me while banging a girl in the back of the ambulance.
My mom found me this morning passed out, face down on my dinning room floor
That must have been one awkward situation haha
Well I woke up in my bed.... I don't remember her finding me
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