I'm not working tomorrow. need to take advantage of the last opportunity for weeks of morning sex.
By the way, I think my next facebook status update will read, "Aaron recently found out Vanessa's a screamer."
oh god.
My alcohol tolerance is way too high for this paycheck.
We left your bucket of puke on your doorstep to clean out yourself. You're welcome.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I knew he cared when I got his text "happy birthday to the girl who gives phenomenal head"
I'm pretty sure this city writes new vice laws specifically because of us.
I would've hung out with you if I had the capacity to do anything besides fall over and pee on things
You chucked an empty vodka bottle against the wall and yelled "Everyone calm the fuck down, it's just the cops." After 10 seconds of silence I looked over and saw you pissing their fountain.
was I really that bad?
you army crawled across the kitchen floor, turned the cat into "super kitty" and crawled into the dog cage
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I don't know who's more excited for you to come home. Me or my vagina
If I could sit on this toilet forever I would totally do that right now
And then he said he wanted to "get really weird with me on my horse." I took that as he wants to fuck me while riding my horse. Could be a good time.
Slammed 3 beers and just bowled a 129\nI guess alcohol IS the answer
Edible... I FEEL CLOSER TO THE UNIVERSE AND I DEF TRAVELED IN TIME. I THINK I CAN READ MINDS NOW.
I just realized now that I slept with him while he was still wearing the maid costume... I've reached a new level of sexual freakness.
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