I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
I'm drinking keystone with a homeless man I found. It's making me feel uncomfortable.
yeah, but i heard shes schizophrenic
i wouldn't even care dude, i'd fuck her and all 7 of her personalities.
omg. if hes just gonna get mad everytime i have sex with one of his "friends" then it was never gonna work out
I just gagged from thinking about the amount of tequila we will be drinking. DRUNK TUESDAYS
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
His dick is so big it could be an arm rest.
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I don't know, I think having hemorrhoids shows character. You have to be trying pretty hard to get them.
i'm gonna friendzone myself so you dont have to
I am now picking what guy I will hang out with based on how many Pokémon they live near.
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
Randomize
