im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
god, a vagina is an amazing trump card
I mean I had a leg brace. It would have been irresponsible for me to be on top.
I got concerned once i realized you weren't there to hear us having sex. See I do worry about you.
I have whiskey and jager. There's no telling what kind of monster will emerge
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
He has a lot of emotional energy invested in your vagina.
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
THE MAINTENANCE MEN WERE DOWN STAIRS AND I THOUGHT THEY WERE MY MOM. I'VE BEEN YELLING 'GRILL ME A CHEESE' AT THEM FOR HALF AN HOUR
I didn't want to have shaved for no reason, so I told him I'd blow him if he would just come over and appreciate the smoothness of my legs.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
I'm abstinent now
Oh, is this one of the times when you're serious?
What’s the level of adulting when you reschedule a dentist appointment to have a threesome?
Well, I like big penises but it's not like he walks around with it out or anything so yes I think he has beautiful eyes
Bro, I live in a constant state of existential dread and moderate ennui. The prospect of cosmic horror doesn’t faze me that much.
Randomize
