So you're telling me it's impossible to have a "slight case" of chlamydia?
Note to self: When getting ready to leave with a kid in a wheelchair don't say Let's roll
Tried killing a moth in our bathroom. Water everywhere. Don't worry about it.
Im starting to realize why people dont masturbate while driving
There's just this way he looks at me that makes me want to suck his soul out through his dick.
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
My coke dealer 411'd my work number just to see how I was doing and gave me his new number. He must miss my business
So it sounded like a midget was barfing IN our walls again this morning ...
donating our bodies to science does not justify what were doing to them.
I had to wash my hair with conditioner because my sister got hammered and gave the dog a 3am sprinkler bath with my shampoo.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
Just woke up, shitty hungover, and realized that every article of clothing I slept in was backwards, bra included. Fuck you, gin. Fuck you.
I asked Tony because I knew he wouldn't give me a lecture about consequences
???? Tony IS a lecture about consequences
All I know is that I got to have an orgasm yesterday during sex so nobody can put a damper on my day, NOBODYYYYYY
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