so then we both started to do the walk of shame and she didnt realize we had fucked in her apartment until some lady said hi to her in the elevator
you didnt stop her?
too entertaining
and in the morning, while we were eating breakfast, she was all " i think someone sneezed into my shirt..." she'll never know.
He came in, laid on our floor and started to make a snow angel.. On the floor. Then he just left never said a word. 20 mins later walked back in and dropped his pants, looked down and said "wow im happy i had boxers on."
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
He threw up the X he took like 30min before then when we thought his antics were over... BOOM! He tried to pee out a light he was holding.
Our foot and a bit height difference is kinda fun, except she's so tiny that after we ate burritos it looked like she was pregnant. I had a confusing bonner.
You had sex with a mute, how is that not funny
You're talking about alcohol when the smell of hand sanitizer is too much for me right now
You were passed out in the OutBack Bowl Shrimp costume and when we asked you wtf happened you just said On Wisconsin.
Because that's what you do with poop. You expect the worst.
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
I'm not complaining, but why is it that every time I hang out with you I come home with random injuries and random girls?
Drunk me left sober me a shower beer in expectation of Hurricane Harvey. Drunk me is the best.
Remind me to tell you about this weekend with them. It was the least fun I have ever had drinking. And I have thrown up pork and beer through my nose on the side of the freeway.
Randomize
