i'm almost one hundred percent positive that i have a warrant out for my arrest in this city. i also don't give a fuck because im drinking TEQUILAAAA
We need to rekindle our bromance
what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I'm gonna keep this simple. I threw up in your pillow case. Sorry.
Learned a valuable life lesson last night. It's titled "Tequila: Still A Bad Idea".
I'm not really into her personality. Not that we've ever looked for personality in women.
That's only a quality to look for in a second marriage.
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
Woke up today to the sound of church bells. My first thought was shit the apocalypse, but then I remembered my hook up lives next to a church. This might be a rough day.
Like fighting the continuous urge to sing Neil diamond "coming to America" kinda fucked up right now
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
Well, you were never considered a shining example of sobriety anyway
You were dancing to the Bee Gees, at 3am, with a piece of ham on your head. Moral of the story, You can't drink.
Sometimes self-care is taking a shot of vodka and moving on.
You'd think that a rotation of two 30 year old men could keep me satisfied... WHY ISN'T THERE A MAN THAT CAN KEEP UP WITH MY HEALTHY SEXUAL APPETITE?!
Randomize
