I need a sticker that says "It's no use hitting on me - I'm the plus one" Seriously, how do they think I got in in the 1st place?
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
Reason #437 to hate Louisiana: Just went to the public bathroom at work. It was so humid the toilet seat was damp and sticky. Either it's the humidity or I sat in somebody's yesterday piss. I choose to believe the humidity.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just so we're on the same page, we cannot have been the first people to have ever thought about shooting that guy with crossbow
We were laying in the basement dry humping to the rhythm of the washing machine
This is the high leading the old right now
Your whole purpose in life is to just float around and satisfy lonely women and also join lesbian couples in threesomes.
I fail to see the problem of enjoying a glass of wine while I poop...
the point I'm tryimg to make is that you didn't need to take the whole box in with you
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
he walked up looked at my boobs then looked at my eyes then looked at my boobs again smiled and said "can I get you and the girls a shot "
I didn't rip your fishnets, WE ripped your fishnets.
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I hooked up with a guy named Quan.. I literally hit the Quan
Um, just removed my insulin from the fridge so that I could fit our case in there. Tell me, who has their priorities straight? THIS GIRL.
When have you ever know me to go too far?
Besides the alcoholism, the HR issues, and getting fired from Best Buy for tackling a display?
Yeah. Besides those.
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