Ppl just aren't as funny as we are
as for my dating sex life, no more regret sticks. Only pride wands from now on.
You called information & said "connect me to johnny depp" when they told u it wasn't listed u said " try depp comma johnny he's expecting my call"
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
You better drive. If I decide to let them talk me into a 3-way, I don't want you to be stranded.
I just walked by a party bus on my way to study. God hates me.
I mean nobody wants to admit they ate 9 cans of ravioli but i did and i am not ashamed of myself
No, they seem attractive after SIX beers, after three they're just the gender you're looking for.
I got a thank you card in the mail from the virgin i slept with on the camping trip. Weird or the new classy?
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
He told me to grab his penis so I did and swung it around and said “awe, it looks like the wacky inflatable tube man.
I need an outfit that says "thanks for hiring me" but also says "i want dick in my mouth".
Just realized that my booty calls are vastly ranging in penis sizes.
Randomize
