i have the juiciest gold medal in my pants
So the answer to your question is yes, I was masturbating on the roof of my building.
Walked into the bar with my burrito and ordered a round of shots for everyone. Not sure if I want to look at the credit card statement.
you described his penis as a "portable fishing pole"
I walked in and she was kneeling on the ground with no pants on, throwing up, and holding the puppy. It was one of those moments, where i was like damn i wish i had my camera.
It was fun, but I mean, any day that starts with shower tequila is bound to be good.
At least I look tastefully trashed. My nipples are hidden and I'm standing up.
Yeah. I don't think I have anything left in me tho. I think I was throwing up tangible memories at one point.
He tried to convince me that it wasn't really that small and all he had to do was pull back the groin fat. It was still small.
just once I'd like to not pass out before we leave the designated pre-drinking place
Let's be honest I'm gonna watch murder she wrote and eat taquitos at three am
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
Ugh, I should just give up, and fuck him in a parking lot, and shave my head and walk naked through the streets of King's Landing.
I can’t believe you’re letting her use the Mercedes
It seemed like a better idea while she was giving me a hand job. It’s a good thing we weren’t having sex. Who knows what I would agree to during sex
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