I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
come over
yeah sure
wait who is this again? my contacts got deleted...but tell me and ill be there in 10
I'm sitting in the drive through at Mcdonalds right now watching the workers pressure wash the vomit I left from last night.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
I just want to let you know it was a unanimous decision that we would eat you first if we ever turned into cannibals, we figured with all the bacon you eat you may taste like it. It's a chance we are willing to take with your life...don't forget that we love you
I just did the math, I've had 8 hours of sleep in the last 3 days. Not sure if that means I am dedicated to my sex life or my job...
Dong worry about me. I just cashed bottle of wine when I found out he was in town, I'm being dramatic. I'll text you tomorrow when I'm sober and my face stops bleeding
That's why I don't chug things. Because when I was a freshman in college tequila came out my nose.
HE THREATENED ME WITH A CACTUS. WHERE DID HE EVEN GET A CACTUS.
You were holding up a boot and yelling boot gang
Good news: I actually puked in my bathroom, the vomit from the living room was actually from someone else.
That's horrible but hilarious
I'm going to miss college.
Stop jerking off to vines my recommended list on YouTube is getting weird.
I still hate everything and everyone around me. Krampus taught me nothing.
He just walked in on me naked with a beer in my hand eating a calzone in bed. If he wasn't in love with me before...
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Randomize
