you could play connect the dots with the people ive fucked in this room
That Joe Wilson reference just earned you a blow job, Mister!
I just saw the Donald Trump of homeless quys walking down the street. He had three shopping carts and a bike.
btw, her name was actually Alixx. in retrospect, it was pretty much a gimme
He went down on me and then slapped my ass saying "thanks for the confidence boost"... is this all I'm good for?
Blonde 1 is sitting on the floor crying and blonde 2 is asleep with her face in the toilet. This isn't what I had in mind when they asked me back
In line at the grocery store. The girl ahead of me is in a wetsuit and just bought 3 cases of beer and a bottle of vodka. I want to go where she's going...
You said you didn't want to drink anymore so you started shooting vodka down the back of your throat using a syringe. Oh, and then you aimed it at my eye ball...vodka in the eye hurts btw.
Lets get real here, ive seen your moms breasts multiple times
Bathtub drinking tim. I have no pool so I work with what I have
Monday is now my bitch. I just did 20 naked push ups on the bar for $20
But I'm a half a mile from my bed. And I have the hiccups. I hate hiccups.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
I came twice and when I was done I petted his head and said "you did good kid you did good" and just laid back smiling. Tell me I'm not awesome.
I could see the visible disappointment when she saw my penis
Randomize
