i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
I told my mom I had sex with him and even SHE was proud. Now that's saying something.
After he came inside me, he made us hold hands and pray that I wasn't pregnant.
So there I was praying he didn't go limp again, choking on a long, long gray ball hair. This is my Saturday night. This. Is. My. Life.
As I was sneaking out of his house last night his moms lover was sneaking in, he held the door for me...
All three of my roommates have their significant others over. We're all hanging out in the living room. It's like I'm the trifecta of third-wheeling
I just want it to be said that I had sex in my Belle dress last night. Classy motherfucker.
My buddy just got straight up kicked out of the bar on my bday for water boarding people with beer and bar towels
I'm trying to puke quietly so i don't ruin my grandma's birthday/my graduation brunch. And you say i need to grow up.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
New life goal: fuck in the shopping cart
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I was doing good, then they gave me free shots
There's just something classy about smoking a blunt in a prom dress.
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