If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
We're not too concerned with getting her out of jail. We're on a mission for donuts.
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
I'm still waiting for my blazer that I left at your apartment, you owe me a blowjob for every day from Thursday on that it's late.
Can we dedicate this weekends marathon sexcapades to all the haters?
You went to jail last night?!
Just a little bit.
you want a dog just so you can strap a barrel of hot chocolate around its neck?
I pulled up iMessage on my computer and I'm pretty sure two people in my class saw that dick pic you sent. Sorry!
my balls were so many shades of blue last night I could have used them as paint and replicated the entirety of Picaso's blue period. The girl was an art major I feel like this metaphor is appropriate.
He texted me at 3am that you cut your hand at the bar and were bleeding all over.
I woke up to a text thinking you bled out at a bar, turns out you got your butthole licked.
I'm ordering sushi and crying over finals. Come over and bring wine.
gave out my moms phone number instead of mine last night... thattttttttttttttt dunk.
Randomize
