p.s. you have a small clit
YOU ARE THE MOST AWKWARD PERSON ALIVE.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
Just made a coke joke and literally drooled on myself. How do we feel about pavlov's theory of conditioning now?
im so poor im using the bottom of my laptop to heat my food.
The night was going well until I found tufts of my hair in the freezer. Then I got nervous
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
Whatever. That's why I am to be babied like a calf. I regret nothing.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Drunk Karaoke resulted in only 8 injuries this time, so there is some improvement.
Instead of asking him how many women he's slept with I just got straight to the point and asked how many Plan B pills he's purchased
Are you jealous of my sweatsuit? It's how I get men on Tinder.
Oohh. Then yes, he is the Alpha Fuckboy.
I'm pretty sure I hallucinated the existence of an entire human being last night.
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
Randomize
