All I seem to do lately is get myself off, take naked pictures and drink beer. I don't know if thats a good or bad thing.
I just got while a charlie horse while orgasming...most confusing feeling ever...
It's not fair. Guys with dicks that huge should not be allowed to be catholic.
Woke up to a huge puddle of water in the living room floor, apparently I made an indoor snowman.
I told the hostess, two bouncers and a manager i was roofied and made them smell my beer. Turns out I just picked up some stupid bitches CHERRY WHEAT beer by mistake. I insisted they replace my lost beer.
I can't decide if the sex was so good I couldn't move, or if it was me being loaded on all the morphine that they shot me up with at the ER.
Only he would come to a strip club and talk about an internship with Walt Disney during a lap dance.
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
For the first time in my life, I may be the most normal person in the room.
Update: I am definitely the most normal person in this room. And the least tattooed.
I just saw a girl drinking wine and walking her dog in footie pajamas and a mad hatter hat. First day of the new year and I think I'm in love.
I feel like you should put up a missed connections ad for this..
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Unfortunately i'm awake, hungover, and covered in something I'm pretty sure is Easy Cheese. Send help.
I've come to the conclusion that my issue is I'm not fucking a guy with a headboard
If he thinks I'm canceling my orgy to coddle his stupid fucking behavior, he has another thing coming
I'm not gonna plow a chick in front of her 14 year old brother....
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