one word: firstdatebathroomanal
So when we opened his headboard we found a bottle of crisco sitting on top of his porn magazines.
I guess we all know what he was cookin.
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
I shouldn't have to say "get your balls off my counter" on a Wednesday.
Once two people had broken bones it had become a bulk hospital trip so we took the party bus
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
He's only going to be gone for two weeks
That's two months in gay whore years.
you were passed out so I asked you what my name was and you opened your eyes and yelled "ricotta cheese"
no way
that's when i decided you were gonna be okay
it's finals week and we've been blasting country porch drinkin since 10AM. there's been like 4 tweets about hearin us on the other side of campus
After we hooked up, his roommate shouted "I LIKE TO HAVE SEX TOO" from across the apartment
I'm serious. I have boob tassles if this is an exchange thing.
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
How does one acquire holy water?
It's slightly odd going to a booty call during morning rush hour with everyone else going to work.
He said they were his favorite shoes.. So I threw one down the sewer. Now he'll keep searching the house for the other one. Sweet silent revenge.
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