dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
it doesn't mae me god, the fact that I am god makes getting dressed futile and tedious... btw i am still drunk
I am standing at the lion i publicly humped last night. i am mortified.
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
I just ran up four flights of stairs in heels, im getting an orgasm tonite.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
He tried to write down the address for the cab on half a bagel.
I'm just high and in my robe and I would suck a dick for some pizza rolls. I can't talk about your problems right now
you reached into a lemon drop to pull out a lemon of someone else's drink..
Omg. The news was on TV while I was giving him a bj...when the weatherman said its a beautiful start to December, he groaned and said it sure is.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
Did you put candle wax on my balls last night?
You're breaking my sexual little heart
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