It's more exciting when they aren't single....and even better when you have to pretend that you just slept with their roommate while trying to do the walk a shame as their girlfriend comes marching into the apt.
Im not the least bit jealous of the life you lead.
His dick might not be the answer to my problems, but I'm definitely ok with testing it as a possible solution.
there is way too much butter on my body for this to be okay
just left a line of flour and citric acid on the dresser for my roommate to find. teach that bastard to steal my coke!
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He was going down on me as I discovered a spaghetti-O on my boob. Its been a while since I faked it.
Is shaving my mustache contingent on you sleeping over tonight?
I heard an explosion in the backyard. You told me you were playing "will it burn".
Sex on roller skates
Floating mattress
Tie
She asked if I wanted to "Mormon Motorboat" her, which I guess is just motor-boating her through her cloths. Turns out I did.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I brought a guy home then decided no. Took him back to the bar and said "I'm going to drop you where I found you. Have fun"
I'm not allowed to have sex with him again. My vagina joined in on the protest. There was a petition. All my body parts signed it.
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
if it makes u feel better, i skipped class so i could go to a sex convention in jersey a few hours earlier than if i went to class.
sexting just seems like too much work right now.
His beard looks like it smells like beer, cocaine and old pussy juice
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