is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
I'm starting to think The only feelings I have anymore are drunk and hung over
you can't hurt those
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
He stole all of his parent's vodka WHILE they were in the room, and then opened the window and snuck out. I was watching from my truck
Pretty sure I was impersonating Rihanna when I kept asking him what my name was while we were making out
The only monogamous relationship I can keep is with my eyebrow lady...
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just realized that Margarita Wednesdays are so much better now when followed by No Work Thursdays.
meow
use your words like a big girl
i ran over your cat.
Don't do it. He's got a dick the size of a baseball bat. You don't want that commitment.
I have to. For the sake of science.
My debit card was between my ass cheeks when i woke up. i vaguely remember putting it there for safe keeping
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
I refuse to take any type of advice let alone love advice from a motherfucker who is missing 3 fingers from a Fucked up masturbating accident.
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