I'm sorry, but you without makeup is like christmas without presents.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
How do I tell if what I'm covered in is pee or cum?
I just saw a sign that said "STRIPPERS!!! As seen on Jerry Springer!". As if Springer is the highest honor. I'm pretty sure we're in south Georgia.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
He fell asleep and they duct taped him to the floor. He's pissed.
I told the bartender that he could give me back the tip I gave him if he outsmarted me in a battle of wits. He has yet to challenge me.
screw it, I'll just be a stripper until next August when then are looking for suitable teachers to teach the future of America. it's like a feel good movie just a little out of order and im a dude.
for the record, you never really realize how drunk you still are until you get on rollerskates...
It's like your tits told gravity 'fuck you, I'm fine right here!'
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
My mom always wanted to raise a classy lady, it just turned out to not be her daughter.
You had sex with a Scottish dude with a peg leg....how could I NOT tell that story??
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
You know its awkward when your mom walks in on you and your boyfriend yelling surprise....I was scared into an orgasm
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