i just realized i put more money and effort into 420 then i did for christmas
Shaking her cervix like it's the hottest ticket around
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Remind me again why a vodka watermelon can't be a thanksgiving dish
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
I may have to steal the boat sober, but I feel that would be harder to explain.
Ideas I've had tonight: An entire movie based off the Pixar lamp jumping on stuff.
If I don't have tequila in my hand soon, I'm going to have to violate human rights laws
I had fresh baked oatmeal cookies, tacos AND was on deck to give a stellar blow job. You'd think that'd be a win/win/win situation.
Get your ass back to America. We've got a lot of drugs to do.
I would fuck him just for his dog
He told me that I should keep my socks on next time because he read somewhere that it'll help me orgasm...
I woke up to him watching me sleep and after I told him it was over he asked if we were still on for Vegas next weekend
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