Does leaving at 3 give Sara enough time to take the bus or are you picking her up?
I cant tell if your joking or not, but I'm picking her up
Do you need some kind of permission slip from her parents or can anyone just go and grab a high schooler these days?
Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
I think i found piece of your tooth in my dick this morning when i took a shower
if i find out your the one who pierced my belly button im going to fuck your sister again
Hey, it was your idea to keep her occupied with the barscanner on your phone.
you didnt need to give her a fucking sharpie. there are handmade barcodes everywhere. including my cock. fucker.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
it's my favorite when the couple downstairs are having sex so loud that i feel like I'm part of a threesome
second-hand sex is fun, isn't it?
Nothings harder than putting on a frozen condom.. or should I say softer
The people at subway are so judgy when you stop to get a sandwhich on your walk of shame
No matter how many miles separate us, I will always be here to get you through whiskey shots.
Omg. I just remembered my underwear is in my wallet
A reminder in my phone just went off saying, "Fuck.On.Roof- the Great Bambino". This makes me excited and slightly nervous.
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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