come outside for a special surprise it involves huge boobs
while fucking on the counter the whip cream was conveniently right next to us. i love thanksgiving
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
You could give me a blowjob later? :)
I meant do something romantic..
Blowjob In the moonlight?
The fact that he grabbed my boob in the middle of the conversation shows something needs to change
Also: how drunk is your brother? He just left me a message as batman.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
someone cut his neck open pretty bad with a broken beer bottle. We were so close to his house that we carried him home, but when we got there he casually laid on his bed and said he was just gonna sleep it off. WHO DOES THAT
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
I tipped him really well because I feel he knew we were high, but did it in a non judgemental way.
I knew my sister shouldn't have gone to the bacherlotte party. Two of the other brides maids have black eyes and my fiancé called me and asked if this is the crazy she's marrying
I want to die, ON THAT, with that INSIDE ME. ironically, I sense that would be the only time I'd feel alive.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
She said to call her, so I called her. Her boyfriend answered and traced the fucking call. I could litterally hear him yell because it turns out he lives in 4d
Don't you live in 4c?
Randomize
