im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
It was like my butthole was peeing. Felt comforting yet not fulfilling.
Never eat 3 McGriddles and drink a carton of milk. It's like you're successfully killing self but you're alive.
she wants me to meet her parents and she hasn't even met my penis yet.
it was either that or behind a dumpster, and i am way too pretty to pee behind a dumpster
Would it be weird if I told you I thought of you when I masturbated?
Looks like I'm more than just your Mexico mistake...
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I woke up and watched my kitten suck on his nipple. Way too hungover to intervene. He thought it was me, so he just giggled and mumbled "mmm girl."
Seriously? God I hope he wasn't lactating.
......... Poor kitty
She told me to pick her up in the corner of shame and self-disgust.
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
Man, you got so high you own goaled yourself in FIFA then got up celebrating.
No I did a yoga dvd and hit my ex up via email for some pot in exchange for his mail.
may or may not have entered into a gay civil rights discussion with 6 year olds. Hint: I did.
Sometimes you gotta do what you gotta do... and then you need to delete the history so you're girlfriend doesn't see it.
There were no words. I got in his car, took my pants off, threw my shirt out the window, and got things started. After we were done I collected my clothes, gave him a kiss, and crept back into my house.
You're like the sex ninja. How doesn't he love you?!
Randomize
