i miss you so much
i miss you too
oops, did i send that to you? i meant to send it to the money you owe me
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
Someone in my class is wearing shirt and on the back it says...National Bible Quiz Finalist 2006. Do you really expect me to find a guy here
since we're both too lazy to go to each others house, you drink there, i'll drink here and we'll skype. it's the same thing.
I probably shouldn't have followed up that rainbow sherbet with beef jerky. This is a whole new level of fat, even for me.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
Woke up the next morning in an 8 year old's bedroom. Saw my bra swinging from the spiderman ceiling fan and decided it would be best to dip out w/o it.
I just look @ having a child spit on you as another form of birth control. I think my ovaries just tied themselves in a knot.
That's what he gets for shittin at the strip club. Who does that??
We took her out for fresh air and next thing we knew, she was stumbling around the backyard picking dead leaves up off the ground and putting them in her shirt to "save them".
Is it tacky to frame a negative pregnancy test?
All I remember is receiving a lap dance to slow motion.
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
Mimosas make me so tired. I just ordered a huge thing of pasta and gonna eat it in my underwear like a bad bitch
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