i feel so shallow. people in iran are using twitter to write hardcore nathan hale shit about dying for freedom. my last tweet was "i hate the taco shits"
a man that wears gold spandex underwear and party boys other people is a man after my own heart.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
Seriously, it was like sucking my thumb.. and im not even saying that to be spiteful b/c he is a really nice guy.
You cant carve pumpkins without vodka. It's a Halloween tradition.
Just come here and visit. Enjoy the deliciousness of me being legal. Just don't think, and come here right meow. meow meow meow.
He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
My stalker sent me an erotic poem. Who knew anyone could find a way to rhyme birth and girth so eloquently?
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
Friends don't brand friends with cigars. It's not how it works.
Are you proud of yourself?
ask me again when I'm drunk. Then fuck off.
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Look fucker, my sensibility and attention to detail is the ONLY REASON you're not dead now
I have a bag of frozen peas on my vagina. If you want to talk about real problems.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
