I swear, if I find out you're lying, I'm going to put your name on one of those herpes watch websites and put the link up on every social networking site in existence.
Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
She went to the bathroom before i broke up with her so i changed all 2500 of her songs on her computer to "I'm a cheating whore"
We decided I could make bicurious-jitos or ho-meh-jitos or heteroflexible-jitos. But not homojitos.
It's confirmed. We did xmas carol the grocery store across the street from his building at 2:30am... Only the staff was there.
You just want to fuck a girl in a dinosaur costume, don't you?
Of course I lose my iPhone but still manage to hold on to the ruler for my dirty teacher costume
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
So if a girl goes for it you're gonna stop her and tell her you gave up ejaculation for lent?
Yeah. Well last night I sold my shoes to a man who I'm pretty sure has a weird foot fetish for $150 cash.
I just wanted to check in on you and you replied with a selfie with your Coney Island waiter and the caption "after his shift we're dropping acid together"
I literally have a pirate chest of slutty clothing.
He kept saying "Ayyyyyyy" during foreplay... during sex.... during everything! It felt like I was having sex with friggin Fonzie from Happy Days!
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