I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
he sounded really stupid. it was like his puke had a stutter, too.
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The guy is drinking 5 bottles of beer in a juice pitcher. Fucking amazing.
Hung over. Bed full of legos for some reason. Not getting up. Come build stuff with me.
If there was a saddle on his sack, she would ride it.
"I wasn't planning on buying a chicken, but I bought it anyway." --some guy on the bus with a chicken
"Yeah, I only have nine toes." --that same guy
I got carried out by security last night. AND the taxi had to drive up onto the sidewalk to get me i was that drunk.
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Are you drunk? Because I am and if you're not, this may be very awkward in the morning
Thats for me to know and you to find out.
My birthday is in 11 days. Going ham. Consciousness will not be an option
Just a warning... Flip, sip, or strip always ends in all participants being naked. Learning from experience.
Is it weird that sometimes I like to have sex for the health benefits and workout more than the pleasure
He played Harry Potter Fan Fiction videos to get me in the mood. He might be the one.
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
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