I found your undies. They were wrapped around my leg.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
maybe you should start leaving anonymous bottles of booze on his doorstep with love notes attatched. that always gets me.
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
We've gotten 3 pitchers already by trading for CUPCAKES
My car smells like beer, you're here in spirit
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
I am one with the molecules
drinks after work?
that question mark offends me.
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
Dude, I just feel great. I love life so much and I love you. Love. Love. So much love.
Randomize
