turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
remind me again why lemons and alcohol in the crock pot is a bad idea?
I just shotgunned a beer alone in the bathroom...what do you expect from me
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
Jacob lost his virginity in a threesome. I am deffs fucking this kid.
DURING A THUNDERSTORM ON HIS BIRTHDAY.
I think I fixed my testicle. That's why I didnt pay $25 for a doctor to do it
You were pouring Patron into the window of the squad car trying to get the police dog to drink it
So thats why that cop beat my ass?
Probably
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
It's a little sad/awesome that I scored coke within 60 seconds of walking in the bar.
The student becomes the teacher.
Only thig bad about that muscular chick from the gym is she liked it so rough I had to bust out a few wrestling moves from highschool
Regardless of how one feels after a break up, whiskey must be consumed.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Randomize
