All these guys look like the American Apparel version of Jesus...
Note to Self: No matter how horny, turned on or in the moment you are, never go down on your gf after she had soccer practice.
I really think my ability to vom without making noise mmight be my most useful talent
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
i had just passed the point of no return when my mom opened my door. I hid my dick and took the porn off the computer in time but i still had to explain my day at school to her WHILE i was jizzing in my pants.
how do you say "fuck me and leave bruises" in italian?
No i'm not calming down the girl at white castle did not need to see the picture of my dick on your phone.
Wow, nothing is more special than changing the channel and seeing the guy who groped you on Saturday night...
I lull them into a false sense of security with my gayness. Then when they're vulnerable, I strike, like a snake. A big non-gay snake, with huge balls.
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
the only thing you said was do the helicopter dick
Nothing says love like couples STD testing
Nothing says breakup like the results
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
The thing about pooping in the woods during hunting season is you never know if someone's watching you.
Checked my bank account this morning...apparently I went to 7-11 at 4am and spent $22 on taquitos. New all time low for me.
I ate all of them. New all time low for ME.
Randomize