Take 3 tylenol pms and try to whack off before you pass out. It's impossible.
No, we just ended up walking around in his pool high and singing songs by The Wiggles.
Hey was my sperm eye the same day I crapped myself?
Straightened my pubes. My dick looks like John Lennon fucked Gonzo.
i'm at the gym and so are four guys who have seen my tits. i need winter break.
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
He tricked me...the first song on his sex mix was trey songz but the rest were techno....i can't walk straight now
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
We sat on the porch laughing about hilarious the sunrise was. And that we can do drugs again in the morning, thank god
Just realized I'm going to have to make you sign a non-disclosure agreement before my wedding.
I need vitamin water and Jesus :/
These beer shits have taken over my entire life.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
He picked me up in Smart Car with the license plate “MYWHIP.” I think my ovaries shriveled up and died.
Randomize
