What's everyones problem with my costume?!
It looks like a unicorn came on your face.
I only make drug deals in a British accent. It's my way of making sure it doesn't get too sketch.
I tried douching with a turkey baster. Not the brightest idea.
when we got back we had sex. but it wasnt til the morning that i figured out her leg was broken
I'm sorry for peeing on your door. But it was your decision to open it.
He just told me the blow job I gave him was like a journey
It's ok. I will share any beautiful men that I drug and leave unconscious on my bed. I'm that kind of friend.
you're right. i am beautiful. like a May day. frolicking in a meadow of wildflowers. platinum in one hand. pipe in the other. that kind of beautiful.
Your argument isn't valid... just because I test the waters doesn't make me gay. Makes me versatile. And who doesn't love that!
i'm teaching a bunch of people how to grow weed over snapchat. no shame.
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
I walked in on him pumping himself up by headbanging to the drumbeat from Jumanji.
I know that you sometimes make decisions based on comedic effect, but losing your virginity shouldn't be one of them.
And he claims I gave him “fuck me” eyes while he was ordering me a happy meal
I just snorted sandwich everywhere.
I hope it smells nice :)
IT DOESN'T BECAUSE I HAVE MEAT COMING OUT OF MY NOSE, DAMNIT.
Randomize
