kristin has been a bad kristin
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
so today in my theology class we brought up the proper way to have sex. so rough sex was said by the teacher...I said I know a girl that likes to be choked. sorry but everyone knew it was you
For future reference, when you see people who look like Rosie O'donell, do not tell them they look like Rosie O'donell.
we just plugged the camera up to the big screen. would you like to come see what you did last night, in high definition?
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
I gotta find new tactics tho. There's just so many tied up dicks one can look at before part of your soul dies.
There was a sweat stain in the shape of a fast chick with low standard on your bathroom floor
I just brushed my teeth. In the car. With watered down Sprite. From Saturday. Multi-tasking at its finest.
The reign of the rally queen is over. Welcome to the age of the walking dead.
The silhouette of his dick looked like an eagle. Amurrican.
Just when I thought he had turned a new leaf, I see a "Let me get you pregnant" shirt in his closet
The difference in our lives is summed up perfectly in that you woke up next to a 6'4" guy with an accent and I woke up next to an unwrapped piece of string cheese.
Well, I currently have zero fuckboys and my vibrator just broke. A fresh start to May.
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
