Stop it. You sound like you're giving birth.
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
I'm pretty sure if an eight year old calls you a whore.. it's true. just saying.
We hooked up with his aunt passed out next to us. It was just like old times.
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Just coat-checked 2 backpacks full of 40's...it was the bouncer's idea.
I think the guy in front of me just puked in a styrofoam cup.
U owe me five dollars for that paper towel you bet i wouldnt eat last night
No, he went to go get condoms. The least I could do was chug two beers before he got back
Honestly I will go to church for him, I will even try to quit smoking for him. But his dick is not worth losing alcohol. He sure as fuck isn't taking away our wine nights.
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The last thing I remember was naked hot tub and taking a shot and using the hot tub water as a chaser. Not acceptable.
Like I just asked Greg why I don't have a crown for my vagina. That drunk.
just got a call from a life insurance sellsperson and apparently our xany dealer referenced us. not cool thats breaking the 4th wall
MUFFINS DON'T MAKE YOU ORGASM MULTIPLE TIMES OR HAVE ROCK HARD MUSCLES.
If I could tell my younger self three things it would be: 1. Smoke a lot more weed 2. Have a lot more sex 3. Own a good set of pots and pans
i just woke up from a 4 hour nap, still drunk, to make mac n cheese.
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