I just put my retainer in and it tastes like weed
the pizza man had no reaction when jackie and me opened the door naked, i guess he's used to that shit
And I was aware of my actions - that is not a penis I will say no to until I have a ring on my finger
THIS ISN'T WORKING THIS IS THE DRUNK LEADING THE DRUNK
I'm almost positive that you shat in a birdhouse
I think you just miss his friendship.
I think it's his ability to give me multiple orgasms.
My previously white toilet seat is now hot pink. I'm not sure why or how but I know it's your fault.
Not at all! I'll let your potential employer know you have a huge dick
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
also I can check "jump into a moving car" off my bucket list if that tells you how tonight is going
This is the second time you've stolen a pet when you're drunk, given it back and cashed in on a reward...I think you have a problem
Gotta pay my student loans some way
i opened the door and you were passed out on my doorstep wearing ugly shorts and cuddling a pinnapple, i dont know what happened to you.
You had all day to plan ahead & get mixers, so whose fault is this sobriety?
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
Very interesting. Let's just say I got home last night and threw up, found a joint in my bra, and woke up naked in my bed
Randomize
