I'm about two and a half drinks away from gay.
I'm coming over.
I can make a handprint turkey for extra credit in history. I feel like the word college should be in quotes on the school letterhead.
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he woke me up at 3 am to ask me where my plunger, a towel, and staples were. i'm afraid to go into my bathroom.
Bring your kids so they can distract our kids so we can drink beer in peace.
I was giving him head and when I deep throated him he screamed out "Ohh, top ten!"
he stopped making out with me and said "can I make you grilled cheese? I feel like I owe YOU something"
found a rock and smashed the sliding glass door. home safe. screen door is locked so we're good.
i was drunk enough to give the cab driver my number when he said "you talk like you like guys"
I was trying to be quiet until started to feel like my cock was being dipped in a rainbow and then I stopped caring temporarily
This is what we do on Thursday nights. Spray tans, blunts and drawing pictures of cats.
I think I'm leaving the streamers and balloons up from 4th of july till after he stops by. It'll be like the universe is celebrating his massive dick.
HE PEED ON ME. THE MANAGER OF THE BAR.
Whoever thought of breakup sex is my new best friend
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