he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
today i learned why jack sparrow loved rum so fucking much
I'm finding that as the end of the quarter approaches, the list of things I refuse to do sober keeps getting longer.
my nipple ring is gone but someone was nice enough to replace it with a paperclip
I don't understand but I fell asleep naked holding a tub of cool whip and a boiled egg
next time we drink: battle shots.
battle shots or battle shits? if its the first, explain. if its the second I think I figured it out.
think he just told me if I need to shit I should go outside.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
I just threw in a dip with a guy that superglued his fake tooth back in today. My life is complete.
Safe to say I'm terrified but totally AMPED
Sex aside I am really scared about Syria...
the fact that I always have. bottle of tequila in my purse is not helping my current sitch
you kept shouting 'jesus penis' when i was on the phone with 911
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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