I'm not looking forward to the waking up early part. Or actually the wedding part. Or the reception part. But I am looking forward to the meaningless sex with some random guy I meet at the reception part.
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
so i turned around to do some reverse cowgirl when he said that this was such a better visual for him. Bad compliment or serious insult. i cant tell
I'm really tired of your booty call eating my fruity pebbles.
I'm a terrible friend...i should have come right over instead of having sex for an hour and a half. :/ want anything from burger king?
it is basically gonna be an ugly Christmas sweater rave
My brother walked up to us as we were making out and was like "hey man, go to town!" and winked
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
People are talking politics and I have had 9 mimosas
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
I'm sitting here listening to fat joe and doing kegels I have given up
Earlier today I was eating cookie dough from a tube, now I'm laying naked next to a hot guy watching Pawn Stars in between orgasms. You really can have it all.
I have an empty apartment, Chinese food, and fresh batteries in my vibrator. There's nothing on this earth that could lure me out tonight.
If not, I can murder my liver twice...it's like a cat, it has 9 lives
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