Sometimes I wish there were a little bird hiding that would periodically go, "creep-per."
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
You told the cops that they couldn't arrest you because they weren't hot enough to fuck
the semester is winding down: time to procrastinate by googling cheap keg options
Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
I found some video of you on my camera that's like 5 seconds long, where you announce that you should have been a dentist before taking a bong hit.
Just saw some lesbians get in a fistfight in an Arby's parking lot. It's good to be home.
Only you would have a vasectomy while you're awake and report on the soundtrack first
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
Also what’s the official rule on washing one guy’s jizz off my back before I go out with another guy? That I should?
IT TOOK ME LIKE AN HOUR TO DO THAT. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD IT IS FOR ME TO CONCENTRATE ON ONE THING FOR AN ENTIRE HOUR?!
You're now part of the minority of friends who haven't seen my boobs.
Somehow I went from sitting in a car upside down to waking up in the grass surounded by paramedics. It was a great night.
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