wow wtf my bar tab was 80 dollars
IT WAS DOLLAR BEER NIGHT
No more parties with babies... I can't do that again.
TLC. RIGHT NOW. PRIMORDIAL TODDLERS.
Fun fact: tonight on intervention was the guy who did my tattoo
yeah that always happens. i'm like the where's waldo of parties. i never even know where the fuck i'm at.
I need to stop taking drags of other peoples cigarettes, it's such a tease. Like playing just the tip, you just can't
you should be back in the room by now but just so you know. you passed out at the black jack table and they wheel chaired you out. strip club in about 45 minutes. game face bro.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
Honestly, if you can handle putting socks on you can handle a condom.
I'm officially no longer allowed to make any of my own decisions regarding alcohol, men, or the combination of both. Thats up to you now. Do me proud.
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
It just makes sense. It's like I end a relationship, and wash myself of sin... with tequila.
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Randomize
