You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
then my gynecologist said "its like opening up buried treasure"
He asked me what I wanted the cake to say and I then asked him if "I'm sorry for throwing up in your bed last night" was too long. He said it was...
The Medal of Honor you banged could be at the inauguration today. You really dropped the ball on keeping up with that one.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
So my parents just watched me pour their rum into a bottle and only add crystal light powder, no water... Talk about being judged. All I could say was "Cortland tricks?"
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
There are condoms rolled onto each bunny ear of the ears I was wearing last night
Hiking for a first date sounded like a good idea in theory because there was absolutely no possibility of me blacking out. In practice, I'd rather black out than go through what I just went through.
I just made the same noise looking at my salami sandwich as I do hooking up with you.
Not sure what you smoked, but you put raw bacon on the lazy Susan and spent 45 minutes looking at it and mumbling Meat Spin
Did you ask Harvard boi?
Apparently he likes someone who is into being smart and a supporter of human rights ugh what a skank
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