From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
Report just came out that Tim Tebow is a virgin but I have proof he is not. He's bent Florida State over the last four years in a row.
Just flooded the bathroom while masturbating in the shower. Managed to squeege most of it up. Desperately need to get laid.
I just don't want to have to pretend at every family function she brings him to that he didn't hit on me first
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
bro, sorry for: trying to put you on fire yesterday, telling the bouncer that it was you that broke the bottles, and to have slept with your sister.
My attempts to make you laugh have failed exceedingly. Naked snap chats it is
Yes. That was the exact moment of my conscience clicking into instant high alert.
Is it too far to say to someone "you're useless for everything besides sex"
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
What the fuck happened last night.... I woke up with a bowl half full of ravioli next to my head, reversed on my bed still fully clothed.....
Foreign objects found in purse this morning include: chocolate covered pretzels, pepper spray, and farm animal shaped key chains (you know the ones you squeeze and fake poop comes out, yea those)
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
you need to drop off my dinner before you go see him because i'm not gonna wait until you're finished fucking him to get my damn chinese food
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
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