i think i scared a bird with my dick
best line ever after sex today..."wow, that was a porn-star sized load"
i finally watched harry potter... a tad unrealistic if you ask me... i mean a ginger kid with 2 friends?
oh and if she happens to say anything about a cantalope and tissues... just go with it
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I asked him if his doormat had a name, then proceeded to sit on it for the next 30 minutes while signing that magic carpet ride song from aladdin.
All I remember is running out of the bathroom with one shoe on and the other in my hand. Pretty sure I was yelling as well.
Don't ask how or why, but I think the 775 on the inside of my lip is permanent
You will never know an awkward moment until your parents pick you up from a one night stand.
Honesty, no. I just want to shower you with hot dogs.
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
he's a fucking beast. people that don't even know him have started calling him "puke and raleigh"
I just want you to know you're the worst sister ever.
If this is about me and your ex, it's not my fault she doesn't like men.
Making friends with the guy who had alcohol-infused whipped cream was the best decision I made all night.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
Randomize
